Effects of Conflict and Stress on Relationships

While couples should try to avoid a repeating pattern of conflict, when conflict is inevitable, they should seek a solution that leaves neither party feeling unfairly treated, hurt, or angry. If the resolution leaves one person feeling slighted or resentful, it can creep into other areas of the relationship. You and your partner might also benefit from individual therapy. A mental health professional (whether online or in-person) can give you both the tools you need to effectively handle conflict. While it can be difficult and uncomfortable, conflict in a relationship is not always a bad thing. When it is healthy and productive, relationship conflict presents an opportunity for people to learn about how others see and experience the world.

It is only saying, oh, I am having an emotional reaction to something that I just learned is important to me. I mean, if you’re listening to this by yourself for the first time, that’s awesome. You can absolutely create so many positive and systemic changes on your own in your relationship. If you are someone on the end of the spectrum who tends to avoid conflict, that is completely understandable. Conflict can feel very, very scary and intense, so we want to back away from it.

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Individuals vary in how they react to those distinct moments of tension aroused by such conflict. Some report impulsively obsessing about a past relationship. Here are the things that you can do differently that will get you the results that you want. Obviously, it goes a little bit deeper than that, because whatever we’re doing behaviorally, our behaviors are always an outcome of our core beliefs, right? Our actions follow what we’re telling ourselves about a certain situation, that is why we behave the way we do.

You also might double-check your company’s policy on after-hours phone calls, as you can use this policy as a backup. These thoughts might make it difficult for you to face conflict. For example, Suzie and Tim want to purchase their first home. They agree to rein in their spending to save for a down payment. Tim successfully eliminates extra expenses for several months. Without telling Tim, she goes out to expensive lunches and dinners with her friends, makes several large purchases, and loses a healthy chunk of money at the casino.

Learn about healthy conflict management

Avoiding conflict with your partner hinders the growth of your relationship. Instead, you harbor resentment towards your partner, which will continue to build up over time. how to deal with someone who avoids conflict If you and your partner were hooked to a monitor, both of you would show signs of the fight or flight response, such as increased heart rate and blood pressure.

• Conflict is often unavoidable and sometimes outside of our control.
• Oh, yes, of course, our relationship is happy and healthy.
• Practice asserting yourself with statements such as, “I feel…” or, “My experience is that….” When you develop assertiveness skills, conflict resolution is easier and becomes less anxiety-provoking.
• A partner who refuses to see a loved one’s point of view often digs in and continues to repeat and promote his or her own view.
• You’ll get practical strategies for conflict-avoidant people to manage their anxiety around confrontation.
• When two people with different backgrounds, beliefs, ideas, wants and desires come together, conflict is bound to occur.

Our natural response to fear is typically flight or freeze, either of those can be appropriate when we’re in really scary situations. If conflict feels scary for you that might be what you do. You don’t know what to do, and that’s one of the reasons why conflict can feel so scary. It’s not the conflict itself, but it’s not feeling competent to know how to deal with it, right?